Nijinsky's anger

"I am a predator. i am a spiteful man. I am not God, but a beast. I am sorry for myself and for people like me. I am not a man. I am a beast. I know they will say that I am a spiteful because I write spiteful things. I am spiteful. I am spiteful and a predatory beast. I have sharp claws. Tomorrow I will scratch. I feel I am spiteful. I do not wish people harm, but people wish me harm. I cannot be sorry for people who wish me harm. I do not wish people harm, but they wish me harm. I can not make my handwriting attractive, because I am angry. I am not writing calmly. My hand is nervous. I am nervous. I am angry and nervous. i can not be calm. I do not want to be calm. I will be angry. I am an angry scoundrel. I am angrier than anyone else in the world. I know how to be angry. I made her angry, and therefore she left me. I cannot write, because I am angry. I am angry, but not in the way other people are angry. I am angry at God. I will not go out for a walk tomorrow. I will stay at home. I will drink wine and beer. I will eat meat. I will laugh. I will be stupid. I don not want to write in an attractive handwriting, because I want people to read me in that way I want. I cannot write anymore."

The Diary of vaslav Nijinsky. On death. page 168.

Nijinsky masturbator and his love for his mother and dance.

"I knew that Russian church services because I went to church every time. I liked going to church because I liked seeing the silver icons, which glittered. There were candles for sale, and sometimes I used to sell them together with Isayev, my companion in masturbation. I liked him, but felt that what he had taught me to do was a bad thing. I suffered when I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it every time I went to bed. Isayenko noticed that no one in school knew about my habits, and I therefore continued with them. I continued till I noticed that my dancing was beginning to deteriorate. I was scared because I realize that my mother would soon be ruined and I would not be to help her. I started combating my lust. I forced myself to do so. I said to myself, "I mustn't." I learned well. I gave up masturbation. I was about fifteen years old. I loved my mother, and my love for my mother made me improve. I learned well. Everyone began to notice me. I got top marks. My mother became happy. She often told me that the whacking had done me good. I told her that this was so, but I felt otherwise. I loved my mother infinitely. I decided to devote myself to dancing even more. I grew thin. I started to dance like God."

The Diary of Vaslav Nijinsky. On Life. Page 119.

My soul is sick (Vaslav Nijinsky)

"I want to weep, but I cannot, because I feel so much pain in my soul that I am afraid for myself. I feel pain. My soul is sick. My sickness is of the soul and not of the mind. I know what I need in order to become well again. My sickness is too great for me to be cured of it soon. I am incurable. My soul is sick. I am poor. I am a destitute. I an unhappy. I am horrible. I know that everyone will suffer when they read these lines, because I know that people will feel me."

The Diary of Vaslav Nijisnky. On Life. Page  145.

   

Meat, masturbation and Gogol. Nijinsky's Diary.

"Meat is a terrible thing. I know that children who eat meat practice masturbation. I know that girl and boys practice masturbation. I know that women and men together and separately practice masturbation. Masturbation causes idiocy. People lose their feeling and their reason. I used to lose my reason when I practiced masturbation. My nerves were on edge. I used to tremble as if I had a fever. I had headaches. I was ill. I think that Gogol was a masturbator. I know that masturbation destroyed him. I know that Gogol was a rational man. I know that Gogol felt. His feeling became blunter day by day. He felt his death coming, because I do not want to practice masturbation. I was a great masturbator. I understood God badly and thought that he wished me well when I practiced masturbation. I know many women who cross their legs. Those women often practice masturbation."

The Diary of Vaslav Nijinsky. On Life. Page 133.


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Nijisnky and ridicule.

"I do not like ridicule. I am not ridiculous. I love everyone, and loving everyone is not a ridiculous thing."

The Diary of Vaslav Nijinsky. On life. Page 67.

   

Nijinsky and his concept of Beauty.

"Beauty can not be discussed. Beauty  cannot be criticized. Beauty is not criticism."

The Diary of Vaslav Nijinsky. On life. Page 59

 

Nijinsky, Theatre Stage and the circle.

"I don't like a theater with a square stage. I like a round theater. I will build a round theater. I know what an eye is. An eye is a theater. The brain is the audience. I am the eye in the brain."

The Diary of Vaslav Nijinsky. On life. Page 52