Lust, Diaghilev and the creation of Nijinsky's most famous ballets

"My lusting almost destroyed me. I felt weak. I cold not compose "Jeux". I composed this ballet on the subject of lust. The ballet was not a success, because I did not feel it. I began it well, but then they started to hurrying me, and I never finished it. In that ballet you can see three young people feeling lust. I understood life at the age of twenty-two. i compose that ballet by myself. Diaghilev and Bakst helped me write down the subject of the ballet, because Debussy, the famous musical composer, insisted on having the story on paper. I asked Diaghilev to help me, and he and Bakst together wrote down my story on paper. I told Diaghilev my ideas. i know that Diaghilev likes saying they are his, because he likes praise. i am very pleased if Diaghilev says it is he who has thought up these stories, taht is, "The faun" and "jeux", for these ballets were composed by me under the influence of my life with Diaghilev. "the Faun" is me, and "jeux" is the kind of life Diaghilev dreamed of. Diaghilev wanted to have two boys. He often told me about this desire of his, but I showed him I was very angry. Diaghilev wanted to make love to two boys at the same time and wanted these boys to make love to him. The two boys are two young girls, and Diaghilev is the young man. I camouflage these personalities on purpose because I wanted people to feel disgust. I felt disgust and therefore could not finish that ballet. Debussy did not like Diaghilev's idea either, but eh was given 10,000 francs for that ballet, and therefore he had to finish it.............. "

The Diary of Vasav Nijinsky. On Death. Page 206-207

Nijinsky confesing how he musturbated.

"I want to describe my life as an artist. I was nervous because I had masturbated a lot. I masturbated because I saw many beautiful women who flirted. I luster after them and masturbated. I noticed that my hair started falling our. I noticed that my teeth began to rot. I noticed that I was nervous and began to dance worse. I took masturbating once every ten days. I thought that ten days was a necessary interval of time, that everyone should come once every ten days, for I heard older people say so. I was no more that nineteen years old when I started masturbating once every ten days. I liked lying in bed thinking about a woman, but I came afterward and decided to make myself the object of my lust. I looked at my own erect prick and felt lust. i did not like it, but I thought that "once I had started the machine running, I had to finish." I came quickly, with a feeling of a rush of blood to my head, i did not have a headache, but I felt pain in my temples. I now have a stomachache because I have eaten a lot, and I have the same kind of pain in my temples as when I used to masturbate. I did not masturbate much when I danced, because I realized it was death to my dancing. I started preserving my strength and therefore gave it up."

The Diary of vaslav nijinsky. On Death. page 205-206.